What Cannot Be Changed

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and its characters don't belong to me. The characters mentioned all belong to J. Michael Straczynski.

"What Cannot Be Changed"
by Christine Anderson
aka Anla'shok Ivanova
Written for the Theatrical Muse 'change the past' challenge.

A technomage can do many things, can control and command many forces. But of all the things that exist in the universe, time is one thing we cannot touch. Nothing that was can be changed, even by our greatest powers. We know, because we have searched, endlessly it seems. But it is beyond us.

Maybe this is best. Who knows what damage we might do if time was ours to change. The mages can be wise and great, and can do much that is good. But many of us are also flawed, imperfect, with desires and urges which require absolute control- things that must never be allowed to see light. Often the powers we have present too great a temptation; many have fallen to chaos, to darkness. I do not wish to be among them.

Yet if one moment was mine to change, I cannot say that I would not do it.

* * *

I would save her if I could. Knowing the costs, knowing the penalties, I would do it. Whatever the cost, it would be more than worth it.

I never had the power to heal, though I had once hoped to have it, but I had the power to destroy the weapon that killed her, and the hand that cast it. I could not heal the damage that was done, but I could have killed Elizar before he cast that spell. I could have destroyed that last deadly black spike before it found its way into her body, along the line of her spine.

I could have done these things, but I did not.

I held myself back out of a desire to obey the commands of the Circle, and out of fear; my spell had never been fully cast, and the energies it commanded were immensely powerful. It could have destroyed...everything.

And so rather than cast the spell of destruction, I let Isabelle die. Rather than cast the spell, I allowed her to sacrifice herself. I had never mastered the shielding spells, and her shield could only protect one of us.

She chose me, as I would have chosen her. And yet I did not think she should have done it- part of me still feels this way. If only one of us were worthy of survival, it was not me.

In the months after her death, I defied the Circle. I killed; I cast the spell. I was angry, wrought with grief, my powers almost beyond control. I cast the spell, and I understood it then. The bubble did not collapse, the universe remained intact.

I could have saved her. I could have, and with no more damage done than to have earned the Circle's displeasure. And I no longer fear the Circle- I have faced them before, and earned their censure, and if anything I fear them less now.

They cannot control me any longer, and they cast me away because they had grown tired of trying.

I could have saved her. And I did not.

If it were possible, that is the moment I would change.

I would cast the spell, destroy Elizar and his weapon. I would save Isabelle, no matter the cost, as I should have done.

But whatever I wish, I cannot do these things.

The past has already been written.