To Fire Or To Water

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and its characters don't belong to me. The characters mentioned all belong to J. Michael Straczynski.

"To Fire Or To water"
by Christine Anderson
aka Anla'shok Ivanova
Written for the Theatrical Muse 'confrontation' challenge.

It is said, "Do not try the patience of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." This was said a long time ago by a man who knew nothing of my order, but it is still true. Perhaps it is more true for us than for any others.

We are more apt to confront than to walk away, always. Even the slightest things can cause arguments, harsh words and harsh spells. I lost count long ago of the number of altercations I have seen amongst the mages, of the fireballs conjured, the damage done. It does not take much to start such things.

I was no different. I struggled for control because it was necessary, more necessary to me than to any of the others, and I fought for it, and I lost it when I should not have. What any of the others could be allowed to do, what was expected of them and forgiven at the same time it was frowned upon, I could not ever do. I could not cast a spell in anger.

I have, of course, done so regardless. It nearly led to my expulsion from the order before my initiation.

My mother killed with that phrase we are all so fond of quoting; she killed my father, surrendered to chaos, and, in the end, destroyed herself.

She was the ideal agent of chaos; everything we were meant to be, and have worked so hard to go beyond. I have searched and struggled, to find another path, to show others the way if I am able, though I do not aspire to leadership, or, I think, have any real talent for it.

I cannot answer challenge or confrontation as the others do. My spell, the spell that once defined me and set me so far apart from the others, requires it. Quick to anger, and that spell is first to come, when it should not.

I have learned, since, other ways.

Balance and choice are the keystones. Balance of the self; you cannot know where you stand until and unless you know who you are. And the choice... the choice is simple, and of course very difficult.

In the end we all must decide, as I once told a friend, to go to fire, or to water.

To go to fire is easy; to go to water is much harder.

I face few true confrontations now. Those that come, come because they must, and are dealt with in the same way.